I just wanna know!


Do you remember those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books? They were awesome weren’t they? You could play fair and follow the path until you ended up at a poor choice, but you could go back and have a “do-over!” Or you could cheat, I did this sometimes when I was nervous about where this little path I was walking on was headed, and see just where exactly it looked like I might end up.

Sometimes I wish life was like that. I have a lot of ponderings and wishing and hoping going on internally, and while I sometimes feel like I can talk to Alex about them. Sometimes I can’t. Take for example my recent thoughts about our future and children. I know things are going change. See I have friends (ok well maybe not “friends” as I’ve only had one reply to an email and one comment  so calling us friends might seem just a tad stalkerish) fellow bloggers I read like Katie, Mindee, and Whitney who all tell of their lives with children. Katie and Mindee both had their darlings last year and Mindee is a wide eyed look into life with teenagers!! I am honestly scared of having teenagers, especially since my mom keeps hoping I’ll have ones just like me. So I try to have conversations with the hubby but they always go something like this:

Stephanie: Sweetie, when we have kids. Do you ever think about how our couple life will change?

Alex: Not really, I mean…it will work out you’ll see.

Stephanie: Uh Huh. Seriously though, what will we do when we can’t just jet off to the store because hey we’ll be broke, and our focus won’t be just on your wants and needs and my wants and needs. But we’ll be more like, hey we have this tiny human that we are totally responsible for!

Alex: Stephanie you are over-analyzing stuff. Stop Thinking!

This is usually where I subside into silence, sulking about how he’ll talk to my parents about this stuff but not me. What is up with that anyway??

And therein lies my desire for a chance to flip-forward in life, check out the possible scenarios and then go back to choose my ending appropriately. Same goes with big financial decisions. Life is about taking chances and I am evidently a wimp! I guess it’s a good thing life is like the Garth Brooks song “The Dance.” I think that if we all knew the outcomes of our choices, a lot of the choices we make in life would never happen.

“Hey who’s to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance “ ~Lyrics to The Dance sung by Garth Brooks

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3 responses to “I just wanna know!

  1. Grandma Judy

    I agree with Alex…..you are over-analyzing stuff. Quit worrying and just things happen as they will. Be happy and enjoy your life. Things will turn out fine.
    Love you!

  2. Grandma Judy

    Oops…..insert “let” between just and things.
    It must be time for bed for this old lady.

  3. I love “The Dance”. And now you have two comments so CLEARLY we are friends. 😉

    The thing about having kids is that analyzing is pointless – you have no idea what you’re going to get. It’s good to plan to have a secure dwelling, an income and a place for them to sleep but other than that . . . well let’s just say that I was going to have four athletic but otherwise quiet boys. Instead I have three kids, two of whom are girls. The one boy I do have is not athletic and has ADHD.

    I wouldn’t change a thing. 🙂