Irrational fears are defined by Wikipedia (which we all know to be a trustworthy source that is not at ALL infallible in its every definition) to be an intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, animals, or people. I’m sure we all have them, heck one of my biggest fears is to die in a house fire. (I have no idea where this one came from since 1. I’ve never been in a house fire and 2. No one I know has every passed away due to such circumstances. But you know, I’m cool like that and prefer fears which have no real intrinsic relation to my life’s history.) However, here lately I’ve had one or two new ones pop up.
First, this weekend we are going on a road trip. We are headed off to meet with his Aunt & Uncle, and from my best understanding, other members of his extended family that we have not met. Now, at this time I’ve only met his Aunt & Uncle at our wedding. So you have to allow for the fact that 1. I was overwhelmed with meeting a good portion of his family I had never ever met before and 2. I can barely remember sitting in the cabin waiting for the carriage to arrive let alone the whirlwind that was hanging out with family of my own I hadn’t seen recently plus meeting over ¾ of Alex’s that I hadn’t met before. So now I’m afraid of acting like a total ninny. Yup, you read that right. A total ninny.
You see Alex’s relationship with a good portion of his family is . . . low key. It’s not that he doesn’t like them or they don’t like him, but it’s a very distant relationship and so when they do get together it’s often a little awkward. Now if it is awkward for him, imagine how I get to feeling??? (And he’s the social animal in our little relationship.) So here we are about to go on a road trip, through lots of winding roads that make me sicker than my momma on a wave racer. Alex will be coming off of 4 hours of sleep and a twelve hour day, which means I’ll be driving and not on my motion sickness pills. Which means just all SORTS of fun could happen on our drive up there. So last time I met the family I was glowing. You know spiffed up for rehearsing for the wedding and then all spiffed up at the actual wedding. (please tell me you see where this is going) And this time they are going to get 5 hour drive by a car sick woman show up at around 11 p.m. on their doorstep. Hello Family! And so the ninny fears show up. And my rational brain keeps trying to point out that we’ve talked on the phone and been fine. They wouldn’t have invited us if they thought I was a ninny (oh if only they knew). Plus, they like Alex. So by nature they’ll at least tolerate me. Right? Right????
Plus I’m shy. I know! I can barely believe it myself! But really I am. So my brain has gone through every scenario possible, from the we’ll show up and head to church and I’ll have forgetten a decent outfit to I’ll burp in public, to I’ll trip (something that is a well documented fear in my case) carrying red liquid over their nice carpet. To I’ll be silent and not talk and when we leave they all look at each other and wonder what on earth Alex was doing with a woman like that! In another words, I’m a nitwit. A ninny. A fool. (Hey at least I understand my lot in life)
Now the second fear has absolutely no relation whatsoever to the first fear. Unless you account for the fact that it’s a fear about how the world sees me. You see, here lately I’ve dropped certain medications. And having done so have gained weight. Now wait a second, before all you haters throw heavy large boulders at my head for even to DARE approach the weight topic, let me explain. 1. I’ve always been underweight…by a lot. I mean, heck I didn’t go above 100 lbs until college. And that literally was a cause for celebration. Fast forward to that time when my mom warned me my metabolism would slow and I slowly crept up to bottom to middle side of “normal” for my bone structure, height, etc. (Speaking of which…who the heck decided what normal was anyway???? I bet it was a man. In fact I’m sure it was a man. Only a man would identify a normal for a woman to look at and cringe over.) But here is the thing, I was OK with that. And then I dropped my meds. And in the past 2 months have gained a whopping 10+ lbs. I don’t LOOK bad, but I FEEL bad. I dislike that clothes we bought me six months ago don’t fit. I dislike that I wouldn’t fit into my wedding dress now. I dislike that my body, despite dieting, exercise, and a complete reduction of fatty style foods, seems intent to gain weight. It’s like some alien took over my freaking pituitary glands. And so now my irrational fears center around the fact that more than anything I dislike that I weigh more than my mom did at my age and nine months pregnant. And I fear what the next few weeks will bring. (Yes yes I KNOW it’s a different woman, different situation, different body, etc but that is why this is an irrational fear.)
So help me out people. Do you have any irrational fears? If so, what about? Help a crazy woman feel “normal.” (there’s that dadgum term again. I’m telling you it’s a conspiracy people!)