“For better or Worse…” Do you remember your wedding vows? Or is it like most of us, that most of your wedding day is this single blur just running through your head. There are moments of clarity, but for most of it….it’s like a picture that is out of focus. But sometimes life throws parts of that day into sharp focus by bringing to the forefront a moment in time. Alex and I did not have traditional vows, (we were supposed to but they got left out and we got called suckers and my mom got the rings stuck on her hand…lots of entertaining moments to our 15 min ceremony), but it was understood that we were getting married for all those “traditional” reasons.
Life threw that very fact into sharp focus this past week. You don’t ever plan on marriage being “worse times” or “poorer”. You get married and you really just go “HAPPY!!!!” But to me, nothing has stood out as strongly as this past week when Alex truly stood up to the standing by me no matter what. I lost a very dear friend this past Memorial Day. Alex and I had just come home from an amazing weekend and within hours of arriving home I got the call. Alex was rushing around trying to get out the door and then time stopped. He stood beside me, he offered to stay home…and when I wouldn’t let him he called family to make sure others were there for me. Throughout the week he has stood up to the task time and time again. I haven’t always been kind. I haven’t always been focused. I haven’t always been “here” when Alex needed me to be. But he was patient. He was understanding. He stood by me. Even during our rough moments caused by my grief.
That right there is to me, the single most important lesson about marriage. My momma always told me to marry my best friend. As this post on Southern Weddings points out, the truth about marriage is that spark will die. It’s supposed to die out into a nice comfortable fire. One that needs tending, but if you do tend it; it’s a flame that can last and last and last. So you had best marry someone who even when the flame is low, you want to be around. I never expected that nine months into our marriage we’d be experiencing this level of a low. I never imagined that nine months into our marriage the insurmountable feelings inside one of us would not only spill over into our relationship, but force the other person to stand up to a tide of feelings. (Ok so it was more like a Tsunami.) But Alex did. I know this will not be the last time we experience a “worse,” but at least next time I will know just how strong our relationship can be if we are just both able to be each other’s rock during the storm.
Now please excuse me while I finish writing all about Tennessee and its evil curvy roads that make my carsick All The Time!