One of the first lessons you learn about marriage is that it really is work. Hard work. Satisfying work. That, and despite living together first that flimsy piece of paper really does change things. Who knew?!
Alex and I spent last night talking. Talking about issues, talking about plans, talking about goals, talking about what to cook for dinner.
Ok so the last one has nothing to do with this post, but still you get the point. There were ungodly amounts of talking last night.
And in all that talking we were building. You see, to me at least, a relationship is like a house. You have to have a strong foundation before you can raise the walls. You need sturdy walls to have a roof, and like a home, you need to up-keep that relationship. If you just sail away and ignore the little leaks, the creaking steps, the funny smells eventually it will all crumble down around your head. And let’s face it, crumbs of any sort falling on your head is anything but fun! So just like we have make sure we paint the exterior of our home to keep it sealed every few years, we need to go over our relationship every now and then to discuss “issues.” (ohhh that is a dreaded word too) I’m sure you can remember being younger and hearing your parents “talk” about “issues.” Not fun eh? Less fun as an adult, let me say that.
So we talked, and we listened and we HEARD what the other one had to say. That last one there, whoa is it a doozy. Just because you talk to one another and you listen to one another does not mean you hear one another. Sometimes hearing the message is a whole lot harder when your brain is going “HEY NOW…WHAT ABOUT MY THOUGHTS AND MY FEELINGS AND ME ME ME ME ME.” So you have to work really hard to hear what the other person is trying to say. The great news is, that after working so hard and talking so much that even our cats got bored listening, Alex and I were able to sit down and enjoy dinner together. Things are not perfect, I won’t lie. In fact some of the things are so big and so hard that we may need help. Just like I wouldn’t build a house on my own without some guidance, sometimes your marriage needs a little guidance. And guess what…THAT’S OK. It’s ok because it’s much better to ask for help BEFORE the crumbs crush you, rather than after you are both standing in a plum full of dust and pointing fingers. However, the most important part of all of this is we ended this “talk” about “issues” with a hug. A kiss. And a commitment to each other and to our marriage. We have a strategy that we can do together now. And that is the best feeling in the world.