Marriage lessons 101 have evidently sky-rocketed between my friend and I. My friend whom we shall call G. G married her hubby on 9-5-10, so it’s been a mere few months since they joined together in holy matrimony. And in that time, I’d say G has spoken to me maybe twice about questions regarding marriage. All in all, she’s doing amazing at understanding her, her man, and the changes that marriage really does wrought to your relationship (even if it is just a piece of paper).
Having said that, this last discussion cracked me up. (Mind you these are all g-talk discussions because she’s in a different state than I am)
G: so another marriage question for you….do you ever have an issue with Alex just wanting to be handsy physically instead of caressing intimately? Have you had that problem before? [You know] sometimes I’m the super sexy time and others I’m the typical woman. [And he always does the handsy stuff when I’m trying to fall asleep.]
Me: uh huh ok following
G: and I’m trying to get A to understand.
Me: hmm I don’t know that you can get a guy to really understand because they aren’t wired that way. I mean, ok it’s like that song by Brad Paisley says we say a back rub and only a back rub doesn’t mean they aren’t going to try for more because they just can’t help it
Me: it’s not them being jerks it’s how they are hard-wired. See Alex always wants to get sexy-touchy-feely and it’s usually as I’m cooking dinner and then when I actually WANT him to he says “well you never respond when I do touch”… well dingbat, how about not touching when I’m obviously preoccupied or in your case, falling asleep
G: lol yea…or he says “you like it. So why are you complaining?”
Me: yup. See – it’s not just you. Its men
G: oh the wonderful journey of being married
Me: ain’t that the truth!
See, I think one of the first lessons you must hard-wire you brain to accept is that men…have no sense of timing. If they get it right, you either got 1. A very rare specimen of male who actually understands the fine art of timing or 2. He got lucky. And typically, it’s #2. Now, gentleman please do NOT hop all over my case as I’m about to plead your point right here.
Ladies – having acknowledged that your man may perhaps be hard-wired to just not quite “get” what you want. You’ll have to take the bull by the horns on this one. Trust me, if you rub his shoulders randomly, or hug him just to say “I love you” and then PRAISE him when he does the same to you they get it. Men aren’t stupid, they are just not as well-versed in the social nuances women are, and as such they need a direction in which to walk. Once we point it out, they are more than happy to walk down the path TO A POINT. That is the other thing ladies, men are men. As such, accept them for who they are. They love us with all of our make-up and bathroom gear, our need to “just talk,” and the desire to deepen our emotional connection. Men don’t function that way. It’s why we aren’t all bored to tears. The differences make us more attractive to one another.
Oh and the last thing, and this applies to men AND women . . . don’t stop trying just because you went and “put a ring on it.”
I’m guilty of that last one – there are days when I don’t think about it because hey he married me right? Well yea, but let’s shut that bathroom door so to speak. Leave a little mystery in your lives. Alex may see me when I first wake up and when I’m about to (or already have as time has proven) crashed, but that doesn’t mean I want him to see me get my toes painted. All that man needs to know is I think pretty toes = pretty me. So he only ever gets to see pretty toes!
What about you? Do you have your own version of pretty toes? Married, dating, newlywed vs. goldywed (that’s married for an extended time and not newlywed case ya missed it), doesn’t matter. I’m sure you got ‘em….so share ‘em!