Finding your balance

Marriage ain’t no romance novel.

I am not married to Westley, no offense dear, and Alex…he is not married to Buttercup. (Name that movie we all love!) We look pretty dang cute in our Christmas photos, heck any of our photos, because we only take those when we actually like each other.

Yup – it’s true, we don’t always like each other. No seriously. I hate to break it to any of you non-married or still in that “honeymoon” phase and hoping for that movie romance type folks. Marriage does not mean I always LIKE my husband or that he likes me. There are times when I’m pretty dang sure it’s the Dread Pirate Roberts I’m talking to rather than my husband, my hero.

Holidays are, at least for me, a time of stress. And stress leads to short tempers. And short tempers lead to snapping turtles taking over me. So rather than enjoying putting our Christmas cards together this year, I am putting them together while Alex “fixes” a buddy’s car. And I’m pretty dang sure that fixing involves beer, kibitzing, and the occasional actual banging of tools on car parts.

Sounds merry doesn’t it?

Are we better? No way. Are we going to go to bed mad at each other? Likely. It happens. We’ll get over it and move on pretty soon too. That’s the beauty of marriage in a sense. When you were younger and had a big ol’ honker of a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it was pretty dang easy to throw your hands in the air and shout “I’M FINISHED!” You could literally walk away and never look back if you wanted too. When you’re married though, that walking is not only logistically a lot harder…emotionally you feel a heck of lot stronger about working it out. Which is a dang good thing from where I’m sitting.

In the meantime I will sit here, stuffing envelopes, licking the nasty glue (really envelope makers, why does the glue have to taste SO nasty??), and watching Bones. I figure a woman who operates purely on logic right now is the best thing I need to hear while I sort out my emotions, my feelings, my wants, and my needs so that when Alex and I do talk. We can each express our own feelings and come up with a good plan for wants, needs, and feelings as a couple.

So in light of all that, I’d like to apologize in advance if my blog seems scatter-brained. From holiday stressors, to the roller-coaster down of finding out we are not preggers, money, and hey the couple issues of how to be more dating and less room-mate like it appears my brain decided that it should just go ahead and go on vacation. I’m sure I will pull it all together soon, but not yet. I promised when I made this blog that I’d be honest and while I’ll always hold some things back, especially since Alex chooses not to voice his side in such a public forum, I will not sugar-coat our relationship. We are not perfect. Our marriage certainly isn’t perfect. But we’re trying every day at finding our balance.

Marriage – it makes you put on those big girl panties.


7 responses to “Finding your balance

  1. Thank you for being so honest! Sometimes you really DON’T have to like your spouse and I wish people would realize that without being judgmental. Reading something so candid is refreshing and a nice change away from the “Our marriage is PERFECT” blog post you see so often on the internet.

  2. There are times when I long for my husband to ask me to dance in the middle of our kitchen (if the right song was played). There are times I hope deep down that he will literally pick me up and sweep me off to bed. That’s where the Romance Novel or as my husband puts it, the cheesiness, can get in the way of appreciating the rare but truly great qualities he does offer.

    I do not know how disappointing it is to try and try and “still that mocking bird won’t sing.” I do understand however how stressful that can be on a relationship. Just know that there is a plan from God…and you are loved!

    Bones is amazing and I love how simply intellectual she can be for situations.

    • If you figure out how to make the hubby dance, please pass that secret along. Yes its cheesy and its like a movie or a book, but dang – the moves work and are our fantasies for a stinkin’ reason. I just wish guys would get that!

  3. I love the honesty in this. So many people care so much about putting out the perfect image on their blog that they never say the truth – love is hard. Love is often accompanied by pain. Love is not a romance novel.

  4. I’ve found, through the years, that it’s better to just go to bed mad than fight into the wee hours. An angry brain becomes completely irrational after 10:00 p.m. Better to just sleep on it and approach the topic clear headed the next day.

    Thanks for sharing – we’ve all been there!