The Great Jell-Oh No!

Let me tell you a funny story about the disaster of my cooking. Cooking that I normally excel at. Cooking that I love. Cooking that almost defeated me last night. And it wasn’t even really cooking!

Thanksgiving time – my apple pie is always requested. And dinner in my house, almost always handled by me. You can typically walk in on any given day and find some sort of sweet treat. You will love it.

Well your waistline may not appreciate you eating the sweet treats, but mine sure does!

However, there is one item that I cannot seem to cook. And what is so staggeringly frustrating about this is that it’s an extremely simple dish. I know this. Yet, every SINGLE time I make try to make it, I fail.

The dish that so blatantly taunts me with its lack of congealing and mixing?

Why Jello.

Now before you go on and on in the comments, I realize you just heat water. Then you just mix the solution into the mix till its dissolved. And then you just add cold water and stick it in the fridge. Simple. I get that. ‘Cept I don’t.

It NEVER mixes properly and it NEVER becomes, well, Jello. It just becomes flavored soup. Yum.

Now, knowing all this, why on earth I decided this would make the perfect dessert for my company holiday potluck I have no idea. But I did. So I started out with orange flavored jello mix which I then added the appropriate liquid according to the box instructions. I followed all the steps. I added fruit. According to the directions. I stuck everything in the fridge. Three hours later I had soup. So I um, panicked, and I added the only other mix we had in the house.

Lime. (Please, if you can see where this is going forgive me. I truly was panicked.)

Now if you are good at art, or perhaps just know how colors mix together you can see where this ends. Turns out on the color wheel when you mix ORANGE and GREEN you get the most lovely of shades. Brown. So orange Jello and Lime Jello do not = yummy Jello. Oh No, you get BROWN Jello. Looks delicious right?

So after a panicky attempt to fix this, I am trying desperately to figure out what else I can bake. SURELY I have something I can make. Um, clearly I need to go to the grocery store for every dessert I have is missing some key ingredient. Alex, who I might add, should have been in bed since it was now 10 p.m. wanders into the kitchen to figure out why I’m freaking out. Then he laughs.

He laughs and laughs and laughs. Then he wipes away his tears. Then he wipes away my tears. Then he hugs me, grabs shoes, ushers me into the car, and hastens me off to the grocery store. (May I just say how eternally grateful I am for all night grocery stores? I would have been in one tight pinch without you Kroger. Thank you.) Fast forward to 25 minutes later and we are now home. Where I am perched on the counter observing my husband, the one who must get up in a whopping 3 hours for work, make me Jello. For my work party. Where he will not get to eat said Jello.

May I just say, my husband who can annoy me and whom occasionally I do not like, is the best husband out there for me. He laughs at me, laughs with me, wipes me tears, and most importantly…He can make Jello. Behold his great creation.

Why are holiday parties so much stress? I don’t know about you, but this is one adventure I could live without!


14 responses to “The Great Jell-Oh No!

  1. Too funny! I always choose the wrong things to take to potlucks. My husband always says, “Why don’t you take something you know you make well?” I always want to try new things for potlucks. Go figure!

  2. I have 2 great recipes for jello “salads” that are Grandma Crow’s recipes.
    I need to give them to you. They never fail and are pretty and tasty…..and easy!
    Also, when you make regular jello, just use 3/4 C. of each liquid instead of a cup. I use 3/4 C. of boiling water, mix in the jello powder with a whisk (not a spoon) until completely dissolved, then fill a one cup measuring cup with ice and fill with water up to 3/4 C. Stir into the hot jello until the ice cubes melt. It WILL jell fairly quickly! And don’t add fruit until the mixture is 3/4 jelled.

  3. Its probably why I am not as adventurous when it comes to cooking. I’m totally afraid trying something until I watch someone else make it.

    I’m so sorry Jello gives you problems. *hugs* Having a husband to come to the rescue is always awesome!

  4. I have the same problem with Jello and refuse to make it much less eat it. By the way, do you know that it’s considered a Mormon dish out here? During the Winter Olympics in Utah, there was even a Jello collector pin to symbolize it. I actually have one. It’s super cute! The reason why they call it that is because at every church potluck you can count on at least 25 jello mold dishes.

  5. Aw, my grandma used to make Jello with fruit – I hadn’t thought about that in years. And yes, my grandma is still alive, so I have no idea why she abandoned her fruit Jello ways. Maybe she also encountered solidifying issues!

    p.s.~ You should probably read my post today. ‘Cause you’re hilarious.

  6. There are some fruits (fresh kiwi and pineapple come to mind) whose enzymes mess with the jell-0ing process. Blame them. Even if you didn’t use them, you could still blame them!

  7. Ramblings of a Singleton

    Brilliant! If I ever feature a top five traits in men list on Ramblings, I’ll be sure to include the ability to make jello (which incidentally in Ireland we call jelly, but that’s jam to you right?)

    • I’m telling you, Jello is a key cooking skill. Jelly and Jam are actually two different types of toppings here. Jam has the actual fruit in it and Jelly is well…its made with the fruit but its smooth. Kinda like chunk and creamy peanut butter.